The Tale of TOO

I've always felt somewhat inferior to others. I've grown too familiar with this feeling. I'm unsure how or why but it has haunted me most of my life. I was the tale of too. I was always told I was "too" something.  I was too short, too fat, too dark, nose too wide, too nice, spoke too slow, my hair too big, smile too wide, and on and on. As a teenager I would wondered, If I was "too" much of this and that, what would become of me? For years, I wondered what to do not to stand out. I did the minimum possible to get by unnoticed. I had achieved mediocrity and was proud of it. As time passed, I cared so much what people thought of me. I would do or whatever to be a part of the "it" crowd. The tale TOO followed me to college.

In college, I was likable. I was too much like a sister to date. I was the friend of the friend that people wanted to date. I was fine with that. As long as I felt part of a group, it wasn't so bad right? Wrong. I didn't stand for anything so I did everything I wasn't suppose to. Soon enough, college was over. I, being a couple years older, still had no clue what I was suppose to do. I hadn't grown up as much as I liked. Inferior still hot on my tracks, I didn't know where to turn.

I did what any college graduate does, look for a job. I found a job working as a weekend unit counselor. I worked with at risk youth and had a blast. The unit I was assigned to was amazing. The kids were great. I still didn't feel complete. I was still looking for "what's next" to do in my life. I tried out for the Army, I was too heavy. I didn't meet their weight requirements. I tried out to be a cop, I was too slow. I couldn't run fast enough. Up to now, I always seemed to have something planned. I was out of time, I had no plan, and I had no clue what do. Inferior crept up and I started to doubt myself. I saw the same girl with all her tales of too looking back at me. The girl I had worked so hard to forget. She was here and I was her.

Throughout this time, my sweet grandma and my parents were praying for my plans to fail so I could serve a mission. I had no idea at the time. When I was ready, she told me to go on a mission. At first I told her No. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. After doing my own research, I came to the conclusion that I had to go. I was called to labor in the Peru Lima Central Mission. I'll never forget my Grandma Ana's counsel before I left. She told me, "Work hard and be obedient!" When my family dropped me off at the Missionary Training Center, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. My life had come full circle. If it weren't for my grandmother's counsel, I wouldn't be where I am today. My Grandmother passed away a few weeks after I left for my mission.

I'll always be indebted to her. She was a faithful woman. She gave me the foundation for my life. My faith in Jesus Christ. She was right, my mission changed my life. I learned to love wholeheartedly. I found my "true" self with every step I took and every Spanish word I spoke. I was able to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The feeling of inferiority was replaced with hope, joy, and gratitude. I learned to rely on my Heavenly Father instead on myself. My outlook changed drastically. I went from the tale of too to the tale of can.

Even now, I'm married and a mother of three. I still think of what my life would have become if my Grandma Ana didn't intervene. I'm so grateful that I can life a tale of can instead of too. I may still have all my flaws but I can appreciate them. They make me who I am.